drown me out
I do not feel alive
until it's already tomorrow
and I haven't slept in days
but even when the near-forgotten spectre
of drowsiness rears its head
still
I keep myself awake
because I don't want to hear myself feel
I drown out the sound of my thoughts
with as many decibels as I can muster
and I drown out the shaking of my hand
with the precision of the pencil and the
brush
and I drown out the pound of my heart
with the rhythm of my footsteps
but I can't drown out the flame that's been
lit in my core
the way it flickers
when I'm least prepared
I knew from the moment you rose from the
steps
and I turned away so that I wouldn't have to
face the light
I need you to drown me out
so
that I stop trying to drown myself
summoning
beneath a dark moon
in the shadow of an eclipse
to which I spoke my true name
and heard it echoed back to me
I showed you my demons
and instead of running away
you cast a circle
to summon more
Image: Photo of lunar eclipse by Paul Pastourmatzis on Unsplash.
Note:
These poems were originally published in after / the / rift by cadence
b. on Brigid’s
Forge.